i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
