i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
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