two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
