i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
