I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
