you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
try to milk me bitch
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
