Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
