Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
