I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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