some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
