i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
