Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
