I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
