He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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