I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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