hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
vagina is talking i cant
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
