If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
