Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
