Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
