I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Drake has all the answers
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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