I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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