i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
