All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
