for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
