I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
