Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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