Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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