Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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