My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
this is an emotional support booty call
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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