Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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