so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
