We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
