i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
