My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
