I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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