They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
sarcasm needs its own font
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
