he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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