and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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