i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
