My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
