I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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