I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
