I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
