she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
