Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
