i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
