"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
