remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
