What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
