I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
