i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
