i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
