just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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