Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
