Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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